i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I understand Curling. That high.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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