Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
