Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
