I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
