Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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