u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
