shes about as inviting as chlamydia
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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