Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
