ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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