WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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