Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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