Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
