..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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