the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
