you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
