some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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