So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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