the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
