He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize