I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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