I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
