im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
