I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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