LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Who died my cat blue again?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Randomize