My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
