I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
