Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
