Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Girls should come with a carfax report
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
