dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize