I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
