He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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