i would punch a child for taco bell
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Randomize