I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
