RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
