I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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