I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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