Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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