Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
