What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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