I could make wine with my vomit
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
