weddingsv make me drug and hornr
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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