i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
