Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
The feeling are messing with the penis
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
