please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
