my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
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