He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
