Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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