how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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