I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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