I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
