Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
whose parrot is this?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
