I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
