Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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