Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
