Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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