Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
