Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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