I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
