I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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