did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
