You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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