Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
