She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize