It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize
