I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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