i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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