I think im going to throw up on grandma
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Randomize
