Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
