I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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