you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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