he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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