Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
