i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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