I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
