im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
