Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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