Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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