Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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