Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
