why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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