the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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