I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize