____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize