I looked at my own cervix.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
