Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
