I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
