dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
