im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
