Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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