have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
