I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Randomize
