If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
