dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Hippo gnu deer
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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