I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
