can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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