Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
