It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
