Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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